What the fickety fuck?!?

Somebody stop the world. Britney Spears has created spawn!

Ok, I don't live under a rock or anything, I knew that the cum dumpster was pregnant, but I guess I somehow figured that the government was going to do something about it. Alas no. The Britster has delivered a bouncing baby boy.

What... the... fuck?

Isn't there a law that says who can and cannot procreate? No? Really? Well there bloody well should be. Britney Spears is a slack jawed yokel without a lick of musical talent who became famous because she had a hard body and was barely an adult. Fine, I can deal with that shit. But fuck, that was years ago! Why the fuck does she still apply?

Have you seen her lately? For christ's sake... I never thought she was anything special, but at least I would have said "Why not... I've got some time to kill. Sure I'll tap that shit yo." Lately? I'd rather fuck Mickey Mouse than this ex-mouseketeer. I've seen trash that is less trashier than this bitch. I mean really. She spent years telling the world she was a good girl, didn't drink or smoke, and would be a virgin until she got married. Yeah. Sure. We believe you Brit. We never saw pics of you with a cig in your mouth. We never saw pics of you absolutely shit faced. Admit it, you've seen more cocks than the typical farmer.

Oh, oh, oh! It gets better! Who's the daddy of this hellspawned creature? Kevin Federfuckingline! Cover model for "Worthless Hobo Monthly!" Who is this fuckup, and why is he on my TV? What was Britney Spears thinking? I can have any guy I want, so I'll take the nastiest, scuzziest, train wreck of a dickwad I can find, and have him gimme da goods?

Do you remember the days when Christina Aguillera was the trashy one?

Fuck this... I could ramble on for a while longer, but this just isn't going anywhere. I'll just say this: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE STAPLE BRITNEY'S FUCKING LEGS TOGETHER???