Things The Head Hates

The Head is now simply going to list things that he hates, or just plain piss him off.

- People who drive 20. Why? Why the fuck do you need to go that slow? If you aren't comfortable driving any faster, walk. You'll get there just as fast, and The Head won't have to hire Ninjas to kill you.

- People who stand three inches away to talk to you. Personal space! If you're that close to me you must want me. Don't be surprised if this conclusion leads me to grab your ass, or slug. This occurs on a case by case basis.

- Restaurants that give you tiny ass portions, and justify it by making it "look pretty". I don't care. I'm just gonna turn it into poo!

- Quirky gay friends on TV. Why are they also so delightfully zanny? Are there not any morose, not on speed gay people in the world?

- Spongebob Squarepants. Why is this funny? Where are the jokes? Is he funny because he's a sponge? Because he has square pants?

- Male nipples. Why do we have them? What purpose do they serve?

- Art that doesn't look like anything. I can paint two lines, a dot, and a squiggle. That doesn't make it art. That makes it shit. Unless it's a picture of dogs playing poker, or boobs, The Head don't care.

- Musicians, and I use the term loosely, that put out a greatest hits album before they even have three albums to your name. Yes Hilary Duff, The Head is looking at you, you fugly annorexic biatch.

- SUVs in the city. What purpose does this monstrosity serve? It's huge, eats gas, and causes accidents. They take up 7 parking spaces, and make everyone's life miserable. See many mountain ranges in the city? No? They don't drive a death machine to make up for your tiny tinky!

- Flashback episodes of tv shows. If you have no ideas, and don't want to spend the cash to put something new on the air, just admit it, and show me some boobies. Don't waste The Head's time by having him watch a compilation of the show.

- Mullets. Let me clarify. The Head hates people with mullets who think it's cool. If you have a mullet, but realize your lame, then your fine.

- Hugh Grant. He has a hot ass model girlfriend, so naturally he gets head from a nasty whore. Then you top it off with the fact that's he rich, and makes movies. Oh, and every movie he makes is exactly the same! Fuck off Hugh.

- Use of the words "honky" or "cracker" as a derogatory word for white people. Here's a hint. We don't care!

- Ringo Starr. John and George are gone, but this Beatle still lives? Where's the justice in this?

- The O.C., One Tree Hill, Summerland... Are these actually different shows?

- People who send mass emails to everyone they know (all 33,875 of them) containing a one line joke. If the list of recipients is longer than the text itself, I don't want to hear it.

- Peepul hoo tipe like dis. Y u wood rite dis way is beond me. lmaoroflomg!!!1!11!
Learn how to type, have some grasp of spelling, and stop writing like a fucking idiot!

- Destiny's Child. Stop bullshitting the world and just call it Beyonce and the Other Two.

- When you go to take a piss in the men's washroom somewhere that has 20 unused urinals, and someguy decides to use the one right next to you. That pisses me off. If he decides to talk to me, he dies.

- Sushi. It tastes like shit, everyone knows that it tastes like shit, yet people eat it. Why? I try to be nice and tell people that it's raw fish. They respond "It's a delicasy silly! It's yummy!" So I call them a moron and slash their tires.

- Hobos who ask The Head for money. You see the scowl on The Head's face? That's how he looks all the time. Does The Head look like somebody that's going to give you money?

- Punks who wear their pants haveway down their legs. I went to the store once and saw something called a 'belt'. The guy who worked there informed me that it would 'keep one's pants up'. Problem solved.

- Fuckers who try and butt in line ahead of you. Do you not think that I know what the back of the guy's head in front of me looks like? I've been behind him for the past half hour. You aren't fooling me. Go home, you suck.

- Hot lesbians who don't let me watch. What practical purpose do you serve?

- Pabst Blue Ribbon. "Let's have Canadians piss in a bottle so we can sell it as beer!" Bad beer company, bad!

- Idiots who post lists of things they hate on their blog. Wait... Um... Uh... Later.